Whether your child is clinically obese, overweight, or merely tends toward chubby, it's just as important to give her self-esteem help as it is to slim her body. Childhood obesity is a risk factor for low self-esteem. "Heavy kids tend to be more isolated and feel more disconnected socially," says Bob Mellin, director of Shapedown, a weight management program for children and adolescents. As BMI goes up, self-esteem—a child's sense of her importance and value—goes down. So it's not just losing weight that matters; it's making sure it's done with sensitivity and some self-esteem help, too.
Beyond Activity and Diet, Boost Self-Esteem
While adjusting your child's diet and physical activity levels is essential, it's just the beginning. "This really is not a child's problem, it's a family issue," says Connie Evers, a registered dietitian and author of How to Teach Nutrition to Kids. "You can work through this in a positive way. If the whole family is involved, that brings you together."
"Food and activity issues are less sensitive for families to work on than the underlying reasons" for the weight gain, says Mellin. But unless you can identify, and address, the unique factors that are contributing to a child's obesity, it's difficult to see lasting results or increased self-esteem.
Parents also may need to take a look at their own behavior. Kids crave limits, and if parents don't set them, children may feel anxious. That anxiety, in turn, can prompt issues with body image and overeating. Food offers immediate gratification when kids feel stressed or lonely.
Get Professional Help
The issue of childhood obesity is a complicated one, which is why for many families, the help of trained professionals is essential. Your child's pediatrician or family doctor can also help determine whether changes in his BMI (body mass index) are cause for alarm. "Children come in all shapes, sizes, and body builds," says Evers. "There is a range of normal."
But if you or your doctor notices an acceleration of the weight curve relative to the height curve, it may be time to seek help from a physical activity specialist, a nutritionist, and/or a psychologist or social worker. These pros can help families unearth, and talk about, those underlying issues that can lead to emotional overeating and lower self-esteem, says Connie Evers.
Set Ground Rules for Self-Esteem Help
Remembering these guidelines (suggested by Mellin) can help you offer emotional support to an overweight child:
- Become aware of your feelings about your child's weight.
- Let go of weightism and accept your child's natural body build.
- Support each family member in openly expressing his or her feelings or needs.
- Give your child direct messages that you accept and value him or her.
Bring siblings into the mix, too, says nutritionist Connie Evers. She suggests a family ground rule that "we don't comment on each other's bodies—no 'fatty,' 'shrimp,' 'string bean,' or 'Jolly Green Giant.' That's name-calling and it's not acceptable."
Evers also recommends framing discussions in terms of health and healthy habits, rather than diet and weight loss. "It's especially hard on our daughters to hear about dieting or calorie counts all the time," she says. Rather than restricting foods entirely, reinforce the idea of making healthy choices: "Where can we go out to dinner that we can make some healthy choices?"
The bottom line: If your child is overweight, neither he, nor you, can go it alone. Work together for positive change, and seek help when you need it.
Sources:
Shapedown weight management for children and adolescents, www.shapedown.com.
Wang F, Veugelers PJ. "Self-esteem and cognitive development in the era of the childhood obesity epidemic." Obesity reviews 2008 Jul 16.
Hesketh K, Wake M, Waters E. "Body mass index and parent-reported self-esteem in elementary school children: evidence for a causal relationship." International journal of obesity and related metabolic disorders 2004 Oct; 28(10):1233-7.
