As kids approach puberty, tempers begin to flare—on the field and on the sidelines. In the abstract, it's easy to agree on the basic principles of sportsmanship: respect for teammates, opponents, and the game; graceful winning and losing. To impart these values, coaches (and parents) can use a combination of education (teaching kids in a language they understand), positive peer pressure, and consequences or policies (such as a system of warnings for broken rules followed by suspension from the practice or game).
Even with a firm foundation like this, following through is not always easy in the heat of the moment. So both parents and players need to know how to predict and prevent blow-ups. In his book, 101 Ways to Be a Terrific Sports Parent, psychologist Joel Fish outlines a three-step plan:
- Know your own attitudes about winning and losing, teamwork and competition. If you're an especially competitive person, you'll have to work harder to control your emotions.
- Know your triggers. "If I see a coach speaking harshly to my child, that pushes a button in me," says Dr. Fish. For other parents, triggers might include a perceived bad call from the referee, or a feeling that an opponent is taking advantage of your child. Kids might be set off by making a mistake (such as striking out).
- Know how to calm down. Have a game plan for what to do when one of those triggers sets off an emotional response. A parent might have to walk away from the sidelines for a moment. A child could ask a teammate to remind her to take a deep breath or "shake it off."
